finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
