walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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