When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Randomize
