i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
