3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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