Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
