I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
