I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
