New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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