im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
