is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
