He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
