Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
