Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
