god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
