i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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