so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
