I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
