Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
