i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
