she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
