I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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