He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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