i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
