i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
