I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Randomize
