I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
