She just used a chaser for red wine.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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