We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
