Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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