Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
