I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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