So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
