Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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