And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
