My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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