no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
