He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
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I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
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im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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