Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
