For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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