Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
it's like iHOP with fire
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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