he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
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Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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