I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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