pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
