I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
