there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
