This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
