Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize