I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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