I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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