Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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