Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
