Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
