Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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