I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
