I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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