the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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