Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
