Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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