I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
is wine microwaveable?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
50% drunk capacity currently
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
