so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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