A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You made out with two different species that night
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
