And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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