do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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