forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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