I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
be right there i have to get my cape
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize