and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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