the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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