how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
