My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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