Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
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Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
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The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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