I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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