with your own penis?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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