Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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