My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
