nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
