it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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