question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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