Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
